How to Ask Someone to Be Your Reference (With Examples)

When asking someone to be your reference, be respectful and clear. Reach out early in the job application process and ask if they’d be comfortable providing a reference for you. Make it easy for them to say no, and if they agree, share details about the job, your relevant skills, and a quick reminder of the work you did together. No matter what, always follow up with a thank-you message. 

Writing your resume and cover letter? Pretty straightforward. But asking someone to be your reference? It can feel a little tricky and awkward. It’s one of those parts of the job search no one really talks about, so you’re left overthinking every word. 

Who do you even ask? Your teenage summer job boss who definitely still remembers you, but might go a little overboard saying you were the best employee and their favorite niece (because, spoiler: it’s your uncle)? Or that ex-employer you left on great terms, but now wonder if they still remember you fondly enough to vouch for you? 

And then there’s the timing. Do you ask right after you leave? Once you’ve applied? Or do you text your friend Brian and hope he channels his best CEO voice when the hiring manager calls? And if you’re applying to multiple jobs, how often is too often to hit up the same references? 

This guide will help you navigate all that awkwardness. You’ll learn: 

• What a professional reference is and who to ask. 
• The best timing and how to create your request email. 
• Examples for reaching out to current employers, past bosses, coworkers, and more. 

And if you’re looking for more advice, check out these guides: 

• Should You List References on a Resume? 
• How to Ask for a Letter of Recommendation 
• How to Write a Follow-Up Email After an Interview 
• Cover Letter Tips & Examples 
• How to Write a Survival Job Resume for Quick Hiring 

What Is a Professional Reference 

A professional reference is someone who’s seen how you work and can speak to your skills, attitude, work ethic, and reliability. It’s typically a former manager, coworker, teacher, or client — basically anyone who’s worked with you in a professional or academic setting. 

Employers want more than a polished resume — they want to hear from people who actually know you. So before you list anyone, ask them first and make sure they’re happy to back you up. 

Who Should You Use as a Reference 

Choose people who know your work and will genuinely recommend you. The best references are people who’ve worked with you directly and can give specific, honest insight into your abilities. 

Solid options include: 

• Former managers or supervisors 
• Coworkers or team leads 
• Teachers, professors, or academic advisors 
• Internship or volunteer supervisors 
• Clients or customers 

If you’re just starting out, ask a coach, teacher, or someone you’ve volunteered with, as long as they know your strengths and can confidently recommend you. 

Avoid family unless you’ve actually worked for them — and even then, make sure they keep it professional. Pick people who’ll respond quickly — you don’t want a reference that ghosts your future employer. And don’t ask a friend to pretend to be a former boss. It’s risky, and it could backfire if they’re caught off guard or if the employer wants to connect on LinkedIn. 

How to Ask for a Reference 

In short: reach out to references early — ideally when you start applying. Ask politely, don’t assume, and give them an easy out if they’re not comfortable. Fill them in on the job, your relevant skills, and who might contact them. Share your resume and job description to help them speak confidently on your behalf. No matter the outcome, always follow up with a thank you and keep them in the loop. 

Asking for a reference can feel a bit awkward — like making someone sit through your vacation slideshow and compliment every photo. But it’s a necessary part of the job hunt. The trick is to be respectful, clear, and organized. 

1. Line up references early 

Reach out to references as soon as you start applying for jobs, not halfway through interviews. Let them know they might hear from a few employers, and give them a heads-up when it’s getting close. They’ll appreciate the notice. 

If you’re asking multiple times, try rotating your references so no one gets overwhelmed. Some companies may also ask for written references or forms, so giving them a little extra time is helpful. 

Aim for three solid references. A quick message, call, or coffee chat works — just don’t leave it until the last minute. 

2. Be polite and don’t assume

Asking someone to be your reference is asking for a favor, so approach it with care. Make it easy for them to say yes — or no. Try something like: 

• “Would you feel comfortable giving me a strong reference for this job I’m applying for?” 
• “Do you think you know my work well enough to be a reference?” 
• “I’m applying for [job title] and immediately thought of you. Would you be open to being a reference?” 

If they hesitate or say no, don’t push. You want someone happy to support you, not someone who feels pressured. And if you haven’t spoken in a while, remind them how you know each other, what you worked on together, or when you last connected. And always check how they prefer to be contacted — email, phone, or LinkedIn message. 

3. Fill them in on you and the role 

Give them a quick summary of the job, what it involves, and the key skills the employer’s looking for. You can share the job description, your updated resume, and let them know who might be reaching out. You could say something like: 

• “This role focuses on project management and communication — just like that campaign we worked on together.” 
• “They’re looking for someone detail-oriented and reliable, which reminded me of our time on [specific task or project].” 
• “The hiring manager might reach out by phone or email, and I’ll let you know if I hear more.” 

Keep it brief — just enough to help them recall the key details and talk you up confidently. 

4. Follow up and say thanks 

Whether your reference was contacted or not, always follow up with a thank you. A quick text or email goes a long way: 

• “Thanks again for being my reference. I really appreciate you taking the time.” 
• “Just wanted to say thanks for backing me up on this. It means a lot.”

If you land the job (or don’t), let them know how it turned out: 

• “Good news — I got the job! Thanks so much for your support.” 
• “I didn’t get this one, but I truly appreciate your help.” 

People like to know how things turn out, and staying in touch makes it easier if you need their help again in the future. 

Reference Request Template 

Stuck on how to ask for a reference without feeling weird? Don’t stress — just copy, paste, tweak the details, and hit send.

Reference Request Email Examples 

Need some inspiration for reaching out to the person who’s got your back in the job hunt? Check out these examples to help you write the perfect message. 

Asking a current employer 

Before you ask your current employer for a reference, please make sure you’ve told them you’re exploring other job opportunities — don’t surprise them with a reference request. It’s best to ask once you’ve received a conditional offer to avoid any awkwardness. 

Subject: Reference Request for Job Application

Asking a former boss 

Got on well with a former boss? If things ended on good terms, they might be the perfect person to vouch for you. 

Asking a teacher or professor 

If you haven’t worked in the field yet, a professor or teacher who knows your strengths and what you’re capable of can be a great person to endorse you. 

Asking a past supervisor or manager 

If you had a supervisor or manager who respected your work, taught you valuable lessons, and even thought highly of you, they could be the perfect person to back you up. 

Asking a coworker 

Sometimes your manager wasn’t too involved in your day-to-day — but a coworker you worked with closely can speak to your skills way better. Just be upfront with the hiring manager about why you’re listing a colleague instead, so it doesn’t raise any eyebrows. 

Asking a client 

Worked freelance or closely with clients? If someone you helped out on a project can talk about your skills and reliability, they can make a great reference — just make sure to explain the relationship when you pass along their details. 

Thank-you message after receiving a reference 

Once someone’s taken the time to speak on your behalf, the least you can do is thank them. Even if they never got contacted, a quick thank-you message shows you appreciate their support, keeps the relationship strong, and, well, it’s just the right thing to do. 

Requesting references from candidates 

If you’re a recruiter moving forward with a candidate, requesting references is part of the process. This email keeps it simple, professional, and ensures you get the info needed to make the right call. 

Summary 

Here’s a recap of what to keep in mind when asking someone to be your reference: 

• Reach out early in your job search, not after a few interviews. 
• Choose references who can vouch for your skills, like past managers, coworkers, teachers, or clients (no family or friends unless they’ve worked with you). 
• Ask politely and give them an easy out if they’re not able to help. 
• Share job details, requirements, and skills needed to help them speak confidently. 
• Always thank them, regardless of the outcome, and keep them updated. 
• If asking a current employer, inform them you’re exploring other opportunities first. 
• Ask how they prefer to be contacted (email, phone, LinkedIn) and respect their choice. 
• Provide your resume and the job description to connect your skills to the role. 
• If they decline, don’t push. Make sure they’re comfortable and happy to help. 
• Keep references in the loop, even if you don’t get the job, to make future requests easier. 

FAQ 

What should you not say when asking for a reference? 

Avoid being vague or pushy. Don’t say things like, “I need you to be my reference by tomorrow” or “Just tell them I’m great.” Instead, be polite and specific about the role you’re applying for and why you think they’d be a good reference. 

Should you put “references available upon request” on your resume? 

There’s no need to put “references available upon request” on your resume — employers expect you’ll provide them if asked. Use that space for more important information, like your skills, achievements, or experience. Save the reference list for when it’s asked for. 

What do employers ask references?

Employers usually ask references about your work ethic, skills, and how you handle challenges. Expect questions like, “Would you rehire them?” or “What are their strengths and weaknesses?” They want to know if you’re as great as your resume says you are. 

Who should you never list as a reference? 

Avoid listing anyone who might give negative feedback or doesn’t know you well professionally. For example, don’t pick your current boss if they don’t know you’re job hunting — it could get awkward. Also, steer clear of family members unless you’ve worked with them and they can be objective — otherwise it looks unprofessional. 

Is it professional to use a friend as a reference? 

It’s fine to use a friend if they’ve worked with you in a professional setting, like as a coworker or supervisor, and can speak to your work ethic. But if they’re just your friend from college or game night, it won’t hold the same weight. 

Who should I put as a reference for my first job? 

For your first job, think about teachers, coaches, volunteer supervisors, or anyone who has seen your skills and hard work firsthand. They don’t need to be from paid work — they just need to vouch for your reliability, character, and potential. A mentor or someone from an internship is also a great choice.

How to ask someone to be your reference via text? 

Keep it polite and straightforward, like: 

“Hi [Name], hope you’re doing well! I’m applying for [role] and was wondering if you’d be open to being a reference for me. I really value what I learned working with you and think you could speak to my skills. Let me know if you’re comfortable with that. Thanks so much!” 

What if I don’t have any references for a job application?

If you don’t have references yet, focus on building connections through internships, volunteering, or networking. Let employers know you can offer character references (like teachers or mentors) or work samples instead. Some jobs might even overlook the reference check if your resume and interview are strong enough. 

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