Five Stages of Not Taking Professional Feedback Personally

Growing up, writing for a living felt like a far-off dream. But getting here? It wasn’t a neat, uphill climb; it was messy, slow, and full of setbacks. I had to learn that progress, patience, and persistence aren’t optional extras; they’re the price of getting where you want to be. 

Feedback, constructive criticism, performance notes, call it what you like, is a huge part of that journey. But it can be a tough pill to swallow. Shifting my perspective on feedback didn’t happen overnight, but when it finally clicked, it practically propelled me to where I am now at Rezi.

I’m sharing my journey, with all its awkward learning curves, to encourage anyone feeling stuck to keep going and to see feedback for what it is: a tool to help you grow, not an attack on who you are.

Need more career advice? Check out these useful guides:

• Career Change at 40
• Moving Forward With Your Life and Career 
• I Hate My Job: What to Do, and When to Quit?
• I Can’t Find a Job: What to Do When You Can’t Get Hired

What Are the Five Stages of Accepting Feedback?

Let me start by clearing this up: I’m not talking about the kind of “feedback” that’s really just nitpicking or borderline bullying. If you’re stuck in that situation, that’s a whole different story. This is for those of us who, deep down, know we have room to grow but can’t help spiralling when feedback hits.

Here’s my story of learning to accept feedback without falling apart — maybe it will help you, too.

1. Self-pity: “Cool, I’m a complete failure.”

Ever seen those videos of toddlers carrying a cup of water, spilling a bit, then deciding, “Eh, may as well dump the whole thing”? That was me every time I faced a job rejection or someone critiqued my work.

The self-pity began after leaving university. I’d spent those years studying interesting but not exactly job-ready topics for my History degree (“study of witchcraft” comes to mind). After churning out endless essays, I knew I wanted to keep writing, but I was naïve enough to think that a 20-page study on Medieval History was my ticket to employment.

Shocker: Opportunities don’t just fall into your lap. If I’d spent half the time I used feeling sorry for myself on building a portfolio or finding internships, it probably wouldn’t have taken me five years to land my first real content writing job. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

2. Denial: “Is it me or them?”

After moving to Spain to teach English to teenagers who would rather be anywhere else, I realized that I had to get serious if I wanted to chase my dream of content writing. So I did. Every day on my train commute, I wrote free articles for random blogs, just to get my words out there. I kept this up for almost two years before I landed my first writing role.

I’d put in the work and built some expertise. Surely now I could relax a little, right? Wrong.

One of my first content writing jobs was, to put it mildly, a nightmare. My boss tore apart everything I wrote, and by the time my articles were published, they barely felt like mine anymore. And whose fault was that? Theirs… obviously.

For context, this boss wasn’t exactly a natural-born leader (Glassdoor would back me up on that), but I used that as an excuse to pin all the blame on them. But blaming others only kept me stuck, frustrated, and refusing to take full accountability. The perfect recipe for a feedback loop with zero growth, until you eventually quit. Which, of course, I did.

3. Frustration: “Why is nothing ever good enough?”

My next writing job was a massive step up from the first. The bosses were supportive, and they genuinely wanted me to succeed. But with my confidence at rock bottom and the constructive criticism rolling in, I started hitting a wall.

And then you start questioning everything:

• Why can’t I get better?
• Why does everyone else seem to “get it”?
• Am I in the wrong career?
• If I fail at this, what else is there for me?

The reality? This was one of my first “real” writing jobs. Expecting myself to get everything immediately was just plain silly. Sure, some colleagues seemed to be cruising along, but everyone’s learning curve looks very different. 

Comparison and perfectionism are often the sneakiest barriers to growth. It’s so easy to get fixated on every mistake that you trap yourself in a bubble of self-doubt and frustration, making it even harder to move forward. 

4. Acceptance: “I guess I see what they mean.”

So, how do you break out of this cycle? For me, it wasn’t some dramatic “aha” moment or Yoda-level wisdom that changed everything. It came down to a mindset shift — and the unwavering support of my editor (shout out to Kacper).

I’d been getting the same feedback for months and was on the brink of giving up, ready to abandon writing entirely (not that I had a backup plan). Then, during Christmas break, while I was anxiously tweaking articles, something finally clicked.

For the first time, I paused and really reflected on the feedback I was getting. I set my ego aside, realizing my boss wasn’t out to bring me down, but genuinely wanted me to improve. I let go of the frustration and replaced it with determination. The real question became:

How can I take this feedback and make it work for me?

5. Growth: “How can I use this feedback to improve?”

I started reading my colleagues’ articles, asking them for advice, studying successful blogs, and soaking up tips online. Because it’s not just about hearing feedback; it’s taking action to learn and actually apply it. 

Looking back, I didn’t realize how much the hurt, denial, and bitterness were holding me back. Yes, there’s a right way to give feedback, and sometimes criticism really is unfair. But when feedback is justified, and you keep making excuses or shifting blame, you’re only getting in your own way.

The good managers, editors, and team leads want you to succeed. Their constructive feedback is a tool to help you grow, not a personal attack. And let’s be honest: would you rather get mad or get better? I chose the latter, and it paid off.

When I left my last job to join Rezi, my old boss left these kind words on my LinkedIn:

Lauren is a very gifted writer and has grown rapidly in her role. Rarely have I seen someone so determined to evolve who'd also be capable of accomplishing such an improvement!

Learning to take feedback with grace wasn’t easy, and it’s one of my proudest professional achievements. It helped me step into Rezi with the skills, resilience, and willingness to learn shaped by every experience that came before.

How to Make Peace with Constructive Feedback

Enough about me. How can you take these lessons and start turning feedback into your own tool for growth? Here are some practical tips to help you handle criticism at work with confidence (and maybe even gratitude).

Don’t take it personally

Unless your manager has some personal beef with you (get out of there), feedback is rarely an attack on your character. Your work doesn’t define your worth, and professional feedback isn’t a reflection of who you are as a person.

What you can do:

• Remind yourself that feedback is about your work, not your identity. This will help you receive critique with curiosity instead of fear, letting you focus on improving your skills rather than questioning your value.
• Take notes on what you need to improve and review them when emotions have settled. A little distance can make it easier to see the practical advice under that initial sting. 

Avoid getting defensive

I’m all about protecting my peace. So, for the sake of my sanity, it’s much easier to see feedback as a positive step toward improvement rather than getting angry and defensive. Getting stuck in the blame game helps no one and keeps you from growing.

What you can do:

• Next time you feel defensive, pause and ask, “What part of this feedback can actually help me do better?” Try shifting your mindset from protecting your ego to actively looking for opportunities to improve your work.
• If you feel triggered during feedback (totally understandable), ask for a moment to process before responding. It’s okay to give yourself space to consider it objectively rather than react impulsively.

Consider why you’re receiving feedback

I get it, some bosses truly aren’t cut out to lead (been there, done that). If that’s the case, you might be fighting a losing battle. But the good ones aren’t out to get us. They’re taking time out of their day to help you improve and ultimately succeed in your role.

What you can do:

• Before dismissing any feedback, consider the intentions behind it. Is your manager trying to help you grow? Are they preparing you for bigger responsibilities? 
• If you’re unsure whether feedback is constructive or toxic, get a second opinion from a trusted colleague (not someone who’ll just tell you what you want to hear). They can let you know if the feedback is fair, helping you decide your next steps with more clarity.

Accept that nobody is perfect

You think that super impressive colleague just walked into their first job and immediately nailed it? Probably not. We always hear “everyone has to start somewhere,” but we don’t talk enough about the fact that everyone learns and improves at their own pace (and that’s okay).

What you can do:

• When you catch yourself spiraling into comparison, remind yourself that your colleague’s work is often the result of years of practice and learning from mistakes. Growth looks different for everyone, and you’re on your own timeline.
• Remember that progress comes from trying, failing, and learning repeatedly, making perfection an unrealistic and unnecessary goal.

See it as an opportunity to learn and grow

You’ve worked all day on something, only to be told it’s not quite there. It’s hard to take that with a smile and a skip in your step. It’s fine to feel disappointed, but if life didn’t challenge us, we’d miss out on opportunities to grow. Changing your mindset is the kindest thing you can do to avoid getting stuck in self-pity.

What you can do:

• It’s normal to feel hurt after getting constructive feedback, but don’t stay there too long before shifting into solution mode. You can honor your feelings while still moving forward with practical steps to improve.
• Ask yourself, “What is this feedback teaching me that will make my work stronger?” Turning feedback into a learning question reframes it from criticism to a tool for building confidence and skill.

Think of an action plan

Listening and accepting feedback is the first step. But what can you do to avoid making the same mistakes in the future? Take advantage of the insights you’ve been given and commit to doing the necessary work to ensure your progress sticks.

What you can do:

• Break down the feedback into specific steps to apply to your next project. Create a simple checklist you can review before submitting work (I did this and can confirm it genuinely helped). 
• Share your action plan with your manager or a colleague and ask for accountability. Let them know what steps you are taking and invite ongoing feedback so you can track your growth and adjust as you continue to improve.

Final Thoughts 

Learning to accept professional feedback is its own messy learning curve, and trust me, I’ve felt every stage of self-pity, denial, frustration, and, finally, growth. But every uncomfortable moment taught me that feedback isn’t there to knock us down; it’s there to build us up — if we let it. You don’t need to get it perfect right away. Just stay open, continue listening, and keep learning.

And if you’re curious, the feedback I kept getting in past jobs was to make my writing more informal and personal. Now here I am, telling you my very personal career story. Not a bad full-circle moment.